Peace

~By Hannah

This trip has opened up multiple opportunities to turn the page... to move on from old chapters and start new ones. 
We all make mistakes. All of us. And sometimes, I feel like life is about coming to grip with that reality. That none of us are perfect... even though sometimes I wish we were ;) But that's the ugly-beautiful about the cross... what Jesus did for us... that He's not looking for perfection... He's looking for us to be real.
My last trip to Uganda, while filled with sweet relationships and life changing experiences, was also filled with my mistakes.... with choices I made that pushed sweet relationships to the side.... all because I was distracted by someone.
Since coming back, I've honestly been afraid to meet that someone again... to have a face-to-face encounter. Why are we so afraid of conflict? I mean really, many times conflict is the thing that resolves issues... not always, but sometimes. I know I was afraid of conflict with this person. So when I unexpectedly saw him... when he was there, at my shoulder, with no warning, I was scared. And then as quickly as he'd come, he was gone again.
But in my spirit, I felt up-heaved. I felt like I been picked up by my feet and shaken really hard. I felt like melting into an emotional puddle.
Why God? Why now? Why? Why? Why? 
Sarah and Rose were my support that day. I leaned on them like I haven't leaned on anybody in a long, long time!
The next morning, I talked with Paul and Pam about it. Paul said something I'd always thought I believed, but something that hadn't taken root in my heart.... "Topapa (don't rush) Hannah. It's ok. You're safe." I'm safe? Yes, I'm safe.
I was reminded of that truth again as we sat on the veranda. Sami, Robert, Innocent, Serge, and Yves (5 from the Dove Voice Band) sang one my favorite songs by them. As their amazing voices lifted to Heaven in praise, I felt God massaging my heart. You're safe Hannah... look around you. Paul, Pam, Sarah, Rose, Mikki, and these 5 brothers of yours are here for you. They might not know what's going through your mind, but lean on them. Through them, I'll protect you.
Yes... I need people. I know I do. Last time, I thought I could go it alone. But God is reminding me that I can't. As I said in my last post, He lives in each one of us. So He speaks to us, holds us, and loves us through each other.
I'm safe. I'm at peace.